clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

The Seattle Seahawks Host The Cincinnati Bengals - A Game Preview. Sort of.

Here's an informal preview of the game, in the loosest sense possible.

Getty Images

I find it tough to do "game previews" because after you've read all the beat reporters' and journalists' and team websites' stories about this weekend's game, everything I tell you is going to be redundant. Those guys and gals tell you the histories between the two teams, the stats, the key players, and all that jazz. 

Sidenote, I've been blogging about the Seahawks for almost eight months and that's the first time I've used a sentence that ends in "all that jazz." /Facepalm.

Anyway, so as I was saying - once you get past all the general, albeit important, pre-game analysis, what else is there to talk about? Well, I've got some ideas.

First, the uniforms. The Bengals might have some of the most godawful ugly uniforms ever devised. I take that back, they're not XFL horrible, and they're certainly not the Seahawks' lime green monstrosity horrible, but on an NFL standard, they might be some of the worst. I'm sure that statement will buy me some hatemail for all the NFL uniform fashionistas out there that adore the orange and black Tony The Tiger outfits, but I'm going on record and saying I would be embarrassed to be seen in animal-print tights if I were an NFL player. Actually, on second thought, the thought of an NFL uniform done in all leopard print would be delightfully tacky. I wonder if the Lingerie League has that....

Ok, so there are some people that say the Seahawks all-cobalt blue home unis are the worst in the NFL. But I'm not one of them. So, uniform aesthetics advantage = Seahawks. Suck on that. 

Moving on. Ownership. Or should I say, "ownershit!" BAHAHAHAHA. Ok, I realize that wasn't funny but I was hoping the graphic laughtrack there would get the ball rolling. Mike Brown has a reputation as the most curmudgeonly, cheap, and dare I say most 'mean old rich man-y' of the NFL ownership group. You ever seen Trading Places? Mike Brown sort of reminds me of those mean old men that just constantly make bets with each other.

This is the one organization in the NFL that doesn't have an indoor practice facility. He's the guy that refused to trade Chad Ochocinco for two first round draft picks just to prove a point. He's probably a nice guy in real life though.

Paul Allen is disgustingly rich, has the biggest yacht in the world and the Seahawks are probably like 8th on his list of interests, after computers, yachting, the Blazers, patagonia, bird watching, soup, and helicopters. He's very hands-off, in other words. Neither team really has much of a history of success, but I'd take Allen over Brown any day of the week. Mostly because if he got mad, he could just buy the NFL. Advantage = Seahawks. Boomtown. 

Speaking of boomtowns: Cincinnati. Have you ever been there? I haven't. For a long time, I don't think I could have told you what state Cincinnati was in. I don't want to insult Cincinnati...ans, but my impression of that city isn't the best.

When I think of Cincy, for some reason I think of the movie "All The Right Moves", and picture people huddled around burning trash barrels, sleeping in single beds, coal mines, and an out-of-control graffiti problem. I bet it's actually a really nice city that's beautiful this time of year, but that's how I picture it for some reason. 

I realize that "All The Right Moves" is set in Pennsylvania, but that part of the country (the northeast.. is it in the NE?) all bleeds together in my mind. I've been to 22 countries in my life, but I've never been to the Northeast. I guess some people would consider Ohio the midwest. Whatever. Doesn't it seem like Craig T Nelson would live in Cincinnati? I bet he does, right now.

Now, Seattle. Well, Seattle is pretty sweet. I live there. Advantage = Seahawks. 

Potential futures:

This is one subject that actually might be worth talking about. Cincinnati, who prior to the season looked pretty hopeless, is now 4-2, are the owners of a promising young quarterback and a potentially elite receiver in AJ Green on offense and a nigh-elite defense. They're also owners to two first round picks next year, and if the Raiders go to the AFC Championship, one of those second-rounders becomes a first so they'll have two in 2013 as well. Sheesh. Talk about a team on the up-and-up. 

On the other side, the Seahawks are the youngest team in the NFL, have assembled some pretty formidable weapons on offense and now own a pretty promising young defense with some attitude. The missing puzzle piece is at Quarterback, but things look up for this Seattle team. 

Basically, it's a wash there. Both teams are looking good. 

As for today: expect a slugfest. Expect it to be ugly, and not just because of the Bengals' uniforms or Andy Dalton. Expect good defense and bad offense. Cincy is in a must-win situation if we're talking playoffs for them, as they still have yet to face division rivals Baltimore OR Pittsburgh yet - those two teams make up 4 of their final 8 games. The Seahawks aren't in a dire, must win situation, but if they want to stay relevant in the NFC West it behooves them to be a young Bengals team at home. If Seattle can't get a win, fans just might start giving up faith that much will happen this season.