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NFL Picks, Week 16: The Seahawks-Niners game has got me all caddywhompus

Brian Bahr

10-6 last week. 137-63-1 on the year.

San Francisco @ Seattle: It's been a long time since a week 16 Seahawks game had me this geeked. It's literally the giant black hole in the middle of the universe that is my holiday schedule. The two holiday parties, dinner dining plans, even the Sunday morning bowling, all serve to distract me from the bone-rattlin-battle-in-Seattle Sunday night. Christmas? I'll get to that later. New Year's plans? Bah, that'll will largely depend on the mood I'm in after the game, because whatever the outcome, I am planning on being deeply affected for several weeks.

So then who to pick? These teams are ruh-diculously even. The Niners average a half point more a game, 12 more yards gained, 9 less yards allowed, and have given up one less point on the year. Both teams identify themselves by their physical defense, which usually acts like an octopus crossed with Clubber Lang. Both execute tight, ball control offenses. Both teams will punch your teeth in, and the two head coaches just might.

Ultimately, when all things are considered equal, home field can be a huge advantage. So that's it then. PICK: SEATTLE SEAHAWKS AND THE 12TH MAN

New Orleans @ Dallas: Not many teams have gone through the drama the Saints have this year, and it shows. That's not an excuse, because even if Goodell ends up coming out of this with the most egg on his face, its safe to say some unsavory things were taking place in the Saints locker room. Either way, the result on the field has been a roller coaster of emotion. They start 0-4, win 5 of the next 6, drop three in a row, then belt-whip Tampa Bay last week. It all comes down to how you defend their aerial attack.

This team averages under 100 yards rushing a game, but really gets after it through the air. Coupled with the fact that they have scored over 30 in every win but one (and that one had 28) and it becomes clear - they ain't scoring on the ground. Enter Dallas, at home, coming off three straight wins, but with a questionable Morris Claiborne. Still, gotta go with the home team with something to play for. PICK: COWBOYS

Tennessee @ Green Bay: [insert entertaining analysis here] PICK: PACKERS

Indianapolis @ Kansas City: KC is a bad matchup for Indy. They defend the pass very well, to the tune of 215.6 yards a game, good for 7th in the league. They also run the fudge out of the ball. They can't pass, and they definitely can't stop the run. But they have a great crowd, and hopefully, pride. PICK: CHIEFS

Buffalo @ Miami: The last team the Hawks pantsed won the next time out. Can Buffalo duplicate? I'm gonna say no. PICK: DOLPHINS

San Diego @ NY Jets: I don't know what to make of San Diego, but they shouldn't show up next week if they get Greg-McElroyed this weekend. PICK: CHARGERS

Washington @ Philadelphia: Washington is hot. Philadelphia is about as exciting as a wet cigarette. PICK: REDSKINS

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh: So its quite clear the Big Ben and Todd Haley don't have what you would call chemistry. And their slide is up to 4 out of the last 5. Even with the home-field bump, the Bengals should have enough to deliver the finishing blow to the Steelers. PICK: BENGALS

St. Louis @ Tampa Bay: Where have you gone, Tampa Bay? Expect El Jeffe Fisher to keep the pressure on. PICK: RAMS.

Oakland @ Carolina: Carolina is a bit snakebitten, but again (and again, and again) the Panthers are not a bad team. Oakland is. PICK: PANTHERS

New England @ Jacksonville: Patriots primed for a big time eff-you performance coming off the heartbreak to the Niners. Poor Jacksonville. PICK: PATRIOTS

Minnesota @ Houston: Houston stands in the way of Adrian Peterson's assault on reason. I've heard the jokes about the cheetah-tendons, but it's borderline madness what he's doing. This should be a fun game. Ultimately, Houston will win because they will actually try to win. Minny should (and probably will) just feed AP as much as they can. Third and ten? Let's run the dive again....PICK: TEXANS

Cleveland @ Denver: Bah, Denver's a gimme. PICK: BRONCOS

Chicago @ Arizona: I appreciate Chicago's defense for their skill, but lament their fragility. I also lament the existence of Jay Cutler, franchise quarterback. Arizona is going to lay a licking on the Bear's QB, but probably fail utterly in every other aspect of the game. PICK: BEARS

NY Giants @ Baltimore: Who knows who's going to show up for this game. The Giants are maddingly inconsistent, and the Ravens are the a below average team that was somehow 9-2 at one point. Coin flip....PICK: GIANTS