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A Hater's Guide To The 2011 Super Bowl

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I grew up a San Francisco 49ers fan so neither the thought of the Green Bay Packers winning Super Bowl XLV nor the Pittsburgh Steelers extending their Super Bowl rings lead over my beloved "Team of the 80's" franchise sits particularly well with me (especially given the nonsense of the Alex Smith Era that our savior Jim Harbaugh will now have to correct).

So although it's possible that my heart is simply two sizes too small, it's probably the hateful contents within that empty hole that will really win the day while the world stops for a game I have little interest in.

But one of the best things about this whole internet thing is that haters worldwide can now unite easier than ever before and stand in solidarity for what they believe...against. And thankfully, SBN's Houston Texans site Battle Red Blog has already put together a prayer to help strengthen that hater's identity.

The Hater's Prayer: Super Bowl Edition - Battle Red Blog
May the next Super Bowl take place in Nome, Alaska so the sports writers who are whining and bitching about how cold it is in Dallas Arlington will have something to whine about. And may these spoiled-ass sports writers be forced to spend the entire Super Bowl in a large, poorly constructed igloo, fending off attacks from the lone member of the Nome Tourism Board's pet polar bear (named Virgil).

While I found that particularly funny, please also see the all-important passages about Ben Roethlisberger and Omar Epps, who I do enjoy quite a bit more on House than I do on the sidelines of Pittsburgh Steelers games.

While indifference to football might inspire you to just do mundane things like see a movie or eat out while everyone else is in, Alice Laussade of the Dallas Observer also has some alternative watching suggestions for those so militant about their hateration that they need to actually tune into something else while everyone else is watching the Super Bowl.

But perhaps the ultimate in militant Super Bowl haterism is to rewatch a Super Bowl that reminds you of better of times, which is also made considerably easier with the power of the the internet. Obviously.

The Niners beating Cris Collinsworth is a perfect way to spend Super Sunday.

So maybe it's not that I hate the event in general or even hate the hype. I really just hate that my team is no longer in it.

Indeed, the psychology of a true hater is highly complex.