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Bill Simmons On Matt Hasselbeck

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It’s been a hectic week for Seahawks fans with depth charts changing seemingly by the hour. One constant has been the starting quarterback position and Matt Hassebeck.

In his rundown of the league’s best and worst quarterbacks, however, ESPN’s Bill Simmons not only ranks Hasselbeck the 28th best quarterback (beating out only Jake Delhomme, Trent Edwards, Josh Freeman and Matt Leinart) but asserts that Seattle sports fans are just waiting for Jake Locker to make the jump from Montlake to Qwest.

I asked my former editor, KJ (Seattle sports nut), to describe Seattle’s QB situation in one sentence. Here’s what he wrote back: "Praying one guy’s back holds up, fascinated by the other guy’s hair (but hoping he never dons a helmet), and rationalizing every bad pass by either as bringing us one step closer to Jake Locker under center in 2011."

This sent me on a furious "Charlie Whitehurst hair" Google image search. Put it this way: Any time a quarterback’s photos come popping up along with images of Barry Gibb, Oded Fehr, Viggo Mortensen, Gregg Allman, the Prince of Persia and porn star Colt Steele, that’s a fun 10 seconds of Googling. Not to mention the irony of the aging Hasselbeck (bald since forever) being tested in the preseason by someone with flowing locks who looks like he’d hit on your girlfriend the moment you left the room. I’m ready to talk myself into the Charlie Era immediately. Whether it’s the starting gig with Seattle or a spot in next year’s "Bachelor Pad" house trying to resist Natalie the tramp. I’ll take either.

Did you shudder reading that? I bet you shuddered.