Seattle Mariners vs Oakland Athletics: Small-Time Blogger Starts Drinking, Game Events Go Bizarro

Marry me, Dustin.

Strange happenings lead to inordinate amount of runs (4) in Mariners/Athletics game.

We're dropping you into the middle of a live-blog. We apologize in advance for any emotional or psychological damage you may incur.


The beverage of choice is a gigantic Arrogant Bastard, provided by the gorgeous Paulina Antczak. The inning starts with a Brendan Ryan double that hits halfway up the center field wall. It's the hardest-hit ball of Ryan's career, and it wasn't a home run. Brendan Ryan may never hit another home run. This is a realistic possibility. Mariners!

The next batter, Figgins, drops a perfect sacrifice bunt to get Ryan to third but the throw pulls second baseman Jemile Weeks, who was covering first, into Figgins allowing the ball to trickle away and Ryan to round third and score at his own leisure. Ackley follows that up with an even sexier single than his first one.

This fantastic series of events leads to Ichiro's first true third-hitter at bat in the majors. Kurt Suzuki lets an easy pitch get past him, something I attribute to him being distracted by the dreamy look in Ackley's eyes. Ackley takes advantage and cruises into second. Ichiro promptly walks, loading the bases for Justin Smoak. And that's when things get weird.

Smoak flies out to left, allowing Figgins to score, but Yoenis Cespedes drops the ball on the transfer, confusing Figgins who, despite tagging up, stops halfway and retreats to third. The out is recorded, but Figgins' paradigm was obviously altered by the flukiness of the event and stopped mid-stride. The next batter, Jesus Montero, flies out to right fielder Josh Reddick, who ALSO DROPS THE BALL ON THE TRANSFER. This time, however, Figgins' brain doesn't flatulate and he scores, making it 2-0 Mariners.

The next batter is Tuck Job himself, and Seager singles up the middle plating Ackley and Ichiro. 4-0 Mariners, and the University of North Carolina roommates (Ackley and Seager) are a combined 4-4. Baseball!

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